My Random Muses

Trying to figure out what to get your Hofstra University bound daughter for Christmas? Why not pick up a couple Rapex, the anti-rape female condom that leaves penises looking like ground beef.

Invented in South Africa (the rape capital of the world), the device is lined with sharp teeth that work kind of like those protective spikes that destroy your car in parking garages. Basically, a dick can go in, but it better not think about coming out. The barbs rip the offending dick to pieces giving girls enough time to escape, kick the offending jack ass in the balls, snap his photo for identification by police, and retain the remaining flesh in a safe plastic container for DNA evidence.

Seems like a silly idea, but if I were a girl looking to get blackout wasted on a Friday night, I’d totally slip one of these on.

Date rapers of the world, you’ve been warned.