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Sunday, October 25, 2009

dicktionary

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sometimes i wonder why men and women cant understand each other, and then realize we have different vernacular. we say one thing when we mean another and shit never makes sense.

so to clear shit up, here’s a few words from the dicktionary.

1. uh huh, sure.
when he says it– i’m not paying attention to what you’re saying but i want to get you to shut up. (later followed with, “but you never told me that!”)
when we say it — usually accompanied with rolling of the eyes, it usually means that we dont believe you but i dont wanna argue. so fine. see also, “whatever. and fine”

2. wanna do me a favor?
when he says it — wanna suck me up?
when we say it — wanna do me a favor? (please note that when asking for favors, we do not expect to reciprocate one. just sayin)

3. just a little bit. just the tip.
– fellas, when is it EVER JUST THE TIP? jesus christ.

4. thats fine with me
when he says it– amazingly, this really means that its fine with him.
when we say it — this is a tricky one. depending on context and tone, we could really be fine with it, or we could be lying. beware.

5. whatever you want.
when he says it– really, whatever you want
when we say it – muthafucka you better pick whatever i want.

6. go ahead, do what you like.
when he says it — you better make it up to me later.
when we say it — you better not even think about it! dont speak it! do not utter another breathe about it!

7. i’m sleepy
when he says it - i’m sleepy
when we say it — i dont wanna have sex. (also used, “my face hurts, i have work in the morning,” etc)

8. wow, your dress.
when he says it — nice tits/ass, lets have sex.
when we say it — that is the ugliest shit i’ve seen in my life.

9. 5 minutes
when a man says it – 5 minutes.
when we say it – half an hour. or however long it takes me to perfect my fucking eyeliner.

10. Whats wrong with me? NOTHING.
when he says it - nothing’s wrong with him. we’re trippin. stop being so paranoid
when we say it — oh good god do not believe us. nothing is something but we think ur psychic and you should know. this argument usually ends in “fine”. or “whatever”. s

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